Simpler times; when coming up with something to write here wasn't interrupted by George Lopez skits.

Heat vs. Cold

Posted: June 20th, 2010 | Author: Shae Jensen | Filed under: World Issues | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

I set out on a mission. A mission to discover why I loathe the heat and love the cold.

I’m a girl. It should be the other way around. See, there’s an actual scientific reason girls get colder than men quicker: ┬áto protect your internal organs all people, men included, “steal” heat from your limbs to make sure your organs don’t freeze. Women have a more evenly distributed fat layer and less muscle, so they developed a more efficient way to conserve body heat. Of course, this leaves the hands and the feet feeling colder way before they do on men, which results in them generally feeling colder.

Alright. That sounds fair, right? Of course every person is different and every person feels temperatures differently. Well. I find this unfair. I’m Scandinavian. I’m used to warm (not hot!) summers and mild winters. This is all thanks to the golf stream, which brings warm water northeast across the Atlantic and past Denmark, which in turn regulates the climate. Which is fabulous. Just the way I like it.

So this isn’t as much a mission to find out why I don’t like the heat, ’cause I already know that, but why heat sucks and cold is made of win.

Let’s take the road of the extreme examples, shall we? 90 degree weather, like today, humidity at 45%. What’s good about this weather? nothing. Absolutely nothing. People like it because they get to go to the pool and not freeze to death when jumping in the water. But without this heat you wouldn’t have to go in the water to begin with. The problem is mostly humidity. See, with all the moisture in the air you can’t sweat ’cause.. well.. that’s like trying to fill a balloon with water that’s already completely filled up. There just isn’t room to push any more moisture in there. Sweating is a way for your body to cool down. If you can’t sweat, you can’t cool down as easily. If it was humid and cold, or hot and not humid it’d be another story. In this heat you have to leave your home and go somewhere else to go into a pool (unless of course you have one in your back yard, in which case you’re evil and you need to share!) when all you really want to do is just sit there and die a little.

So let’s pit that against the cold. Snowing, let’s say. No problem sweating. Not that you would need to ’cause.. well.. it’s cold. Sure, you might freeze, but you can layer as many clothes on top of yourself to keep yourself as warm as you’d like. With warmth there’s a limit to how much clothes you can take off, unless you want to flay yourself. Plus, to go have have fun in a pool without leaving your back yard! Sure. The pool might be frozen little flakes of water, but damnit, it’s just as fun as going to the pool! You can’t very well ball up non-frozen water and throw it at someone, can you? So.. fun on a day where it’s so hot and humid you don’t want to leave your house, but have to in order to cool down and have fun, versus fun on a day where you can have the fun, put on layers upon layers of clothing and stay warm, after which you can have a nice cup of hot chocolate without leaving the comfort of your own home? which one wins?

I think I made my point.

I’ll say one thing for the heat, though: it brings out the cutest little bunnies in my neighborhood. Can’t complain about cute little bunnies. Not only are they cute, but they’re delicious, too!

/end rant.

Santa and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Posted: April 11th, 2010 | Author: Shae Jensen | Filed under: Harry Potter | Tags: , | 3 Comments »

Why Santa would fit perfectly into the world of Harry Potter and why no one has thought to mention this before.

In the world of Harry Potter, we are all aware of magical beasts, both made up by JKR herself and others she took from general mythology. That’s all well and good, but what happened to Santa? He would fit in perfectly, as I’m sure we can all agree. But in case we can’t, here’s a list of reasons that might convince you:

1. All the reasons we muggles use to rationalize the fact that Santa doesn’t exist would be nullified, as I will point out on the next points of this list.

2. It would be perfectly possible to have flying reindeer. The way I imagined it is that said reindeer would have similar spell on them as the flying brooms, so they couldn’t just take off at will, and it wouldn’t be so much as the reindeer themselves could fly, but that they had the ability for you to make them fly. If that makes sense. There are, of course, many other possibilities as to how they could be able to fly (hell, if Voldemort can do it, so can reindeer!) and who knows? maybe there is even a breed of reindeer out there with the simple magical ability of flight? JKR didn’t see fit to mention every single beast in existence in the Potterverse. Who are we to assume there isn’t a breed of flying reindeer?

3. The fact that a human couldn’t fit all those gifts into one bag is also a moot point now – as we all read in Deathly Hallows, it’s possible to make your bag essentially bottomless. All Santa Clause would need to do would be to make sure the opening of the bag was big enough to fit the biggest of the boxes through and he’d be good to go. With the addition of the fact that it could be as small as a handbag, one has to wonder why he’d make it a huge sack, though? Perhaps he found it flattering to his figure, ’cause it’d probably make his belly appear smaller in comparison.

4. Going through a chimney is nothing new to a wizard! The Floo network makes this possible for every wizard, as long as they have enough powder. So all I’m wondering now is whether or not Santa would use Floo Powder and avoid the flying reindeer all together? It would explain why he would use the chimney to begin with, because, really, can you think of any other reason? If I were Santa, even a muggle Santa, I’d simply break in through the front door. If you’re going to break in, surely the easiest way would be that of the front door, or perhaps a window. But, being a wizard, who does, in fact, have access to Floo Powder, one would assume that he’d be using it.

5. Living on the North Pole would be a great deal more comfortable. I would assume that there’s no electricity going to the North Pole, thus making a space heater impossible. Even if he has a giant factory (or maybe he has one of those special house-tents that, when you enter it, becomes a huge factory? It would explain why no one has stumbled across a huge factory when on north pole expeditions and on satellite images it could probably pass for a big rock) they’re still bound to get cold, and how would you run a factory without electricity? no. There has to be magic involved in this to make it possible in any way. I won’t explain to you every way they could make every toy, as I’m sure your imagination will give you a guided tour of the magical factory of Santa.

6. The fact that Santa always appears to be the same guy could be explained by various things in the Potterverse. Let’s, for one, assume that he’s a good friend of Nicholas Flamel and Santa is, in fact, the same person simply kept alive by the Elixir of Life. I get a warm fuzzy feeling from thinking of an eternal Santa, personally. But alright, let’s be realistic. Nicholas Flamel didn’t even let Dumbledore have the Elixir of Life (or maybe he did, hence the fact that he lived to be around 115 years old, while still keeping his sanity. It’s still a stretch to claim that he let Santa have said elixir). It can be explained away by the fact that they have metamorphmagi. Maybe they have a metamorphmagus alter himself to be Santa every time the last Santa dies. That sounds quite silly to me, but it’s a possibility nonetheless. They also have Polyjuice potions. Maybe they shaved the original Santa’s head when he died and they continue to use his hair ’till they run out (let’s face it, you’d be hard pressed, even over a thousand years, to run out of a huge mop of hair!), but let’s assume you can’t polyjuice yourself to look like a dead guy (was that issue ever taken up for discussion?) there are always primitive spells to alter your appearance. We never really get told much about that in the books, though, so I don’t know how well that’d work. Alas, this particular topic is one of many options, most of which only seem partially likely.

Why, if Santa was a wizard, he didn’t try some wizardly diet sure to make him slimmer is anyone’s guess.

Now, why haven’t I seen thousands of these blogs pointing out the obvious out there? I’m not sure how to explain it. This can’t possibly have been an original idea. Maybe it’s because we idealize Santa to the point where he is a man, just a man, but an extraordinary man. Making him a wizard would simply make him a regular, albeit generous wizard, but mostly I would simply have to assume that it’s because JKR never really took any popular myths about specific people (except for Nicholas Flamel) like Dracula or Frankenstein and pointed out that they were real, so no one thought to do it with Santa. Speaking of Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster, they could quite possibly be real in the Potterverse as well. But let’s save that for a different blog.

I hope you find, just as I did, comfort in the fact that Santa could quite possibly be real to Harry and the gang. But let’s all ignore the fact that Harry was never given any gifts on Christmas from him, because that just stirs up unpleasant questions.

Hello world!

Posted: September 18th, 2009 | Author: Shae Jensen | Filed under: Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

“Hello world!” was the default title on this blog. I decided to keep it to point out the ridiculousness of such a statement. Already starting off on a great note, eh? Let’s dive into the ridiculousness that is a pre-written blog post with the title “Hello world” then. Who is the Internet to tell me that I even WANT to say hello to the world? Also.. was I just born? I think the world and I have already said hello several times today. In fact, I doubt I even need to say hello to the world.. it’s the world; I think it knows I’m here. “Hello” is a greeting. Was I not already in the world? If it said “Hello *people* of the world” that would be a different notion. But it doesn’t. So there.

Really, the “hello world” is nothing to rant about. As this is my first blog post, I figured I’d drop a good start on my dear nonexistent readers. In all seriousness, I have to state that I’m very excited to start writing blog entries, as I am bound to be infinitely bored, here, in The-Middle-of-Nowhere, Maryland.

I suggest you all look forward to my upcoming blog entry: Ode to the chocolate square. I should say it’s my best poetry so far. Then again, I haven’t written any others.

I am hereby ending this short, but, no doubt effective, first blog entry.

Please love me,


P.S.: My spellchecker in the blog keeps telling me I’m misspelling “blog”. I’m amused.